The Real Cost of Disconnection

By Leyla Moses, Mom and Co-Creator of Thrive Together

It is not just family quarrels or jam-packed schedules. Disconnection quietly chips away at belonging, and our kids cannot afford to lose that right now.

Are you the parent of a teen or tween? Let me know if this scene sounds familiar.

A mother leans forward at the dinner table, eager to engage her withdrawn teenager. The teen leans back, shoulders hunched, eyes down, offering one word answers. Eventually, the mom exhales, slumps back in her chair, and silence s

settles around the table like a heavy blanket.

Yes, we are technically across from one another. But we might as well be in different time zones.

And if I am honest, that is not a one off night. Phones are flipped face down but still buzzing in our minds. Work stress clings to us long after the laptop is closed. Conversations sputter out before they ever take off. Monday or Tuesday, it does not matter. Same scene, different week. Sometimes it feels like we are stuck in our own version of Groundhog Day.

For a long time, I told myself this was just life with teens and that I should strap in and wait it out. But here is what I have learned. When silence and disconnection become the family’s default setting, kids go beyond being moody. They start to wonder if they matter.

One strained dinner will not wreck a child. But months of fraying connection can actually change how the brain processes belonging. Clinician and researcher Dr. Bruce Perry says it plainly. One of the most important things about being human is feeling like you belong. When you get signals that you do not, it can profoundly impact your health.

That word signals stayed with me. I am not telling my daughter she does not belong. But what signals do I send when I am half present or lost in my own exhaustion?

Disconnection has a cost. Research consistently links emotional withdrawal at home with higher rates of anxiety, depression, and loneliness. It erodes safety and resilience. And when kids do not find belonging at home, they go searching for it elsewhere, sometimes in places that cannot offer real care or protection.

Here is the hopeful part. Connection does not require hours or perfection. It can be ten minutes of attention. One story. One laugh. One question where we actually wait for the answer.

We do not get it right every night. But when we do, something shifts. There is a genuine exchange, and I remember why this tough, sometimes thankless job called parenting is worth the effort.

In the movie Groundhog Day, Bill Murray’s character cannot escape the same day on repeat until he learns to show up differently, with empathy, kindness, and growth. Parenting can feel the same way. The way out of our own repetitive loops is not more rules or guilt. It is presence.

The cost of disconnection is high. But the payoff of connection is everything.

Leyla Moses is a mom of two and co-creator of Thrive Together, a science-backed family wellness game that helps families reconnect through gratitude and strengths-based conversations.